Beginnings

I set up this blog two months ago.  I've had the desire to blog for several years.  But every time I get ready to start I freeze up and decide maybe sharing myself with the world is not such a good idea. 

I'm a thinker.  Nothing recharges me like time alone in my home with no noise but some occasional praise music.  It would seem that since I like to think about things, I wouldn't have the tendency to speak without thinking.  But I do.  And that is the one big thing that has been holding me back from writing on this blog.  I mean well but words don't always come out sounding the way I'm thinking and that concerns me. 

I'm a feeler.  I just know instinctivly what I believe but I have difficulty articulating it in a way that makes sense to anyone else.  I feel things very deeply and that can be hard to express. 

I'm a believer.  I've experienced the redeeming love of Christ and his restoring power.  I am acutely aware of my shortcomings but I am slowly becoming increasingly confident of who I am in Him.  I am the broken clay vessel and my Heavenly Father has placed a crown upon my head. 

I've long been wanting to begin writing and something is prompting me to finally start.  Hearing the doctor speak the words "highly suspicious" put things into clearer focus for me.  I worry about writing for an audience but I should be writing for myself and my family, my son in particular.  If anyone else happens to stumble onto this blog and choose to stick around for a bit then all the better. 

Over the last few years I've bounced several ideas for blogs around in my mind before finally settling on this title.  It seems to best express who I am and where I've been.  I am not valuable because of who I am but because of who He is.  I have one of those personalized necklaces that are so popular right now.  It has a charm with my son's initial, a charm with my husband's and my initials, and a charm with a Bible verse on it.

The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him.  -Lamentations 3:25

I've decided that I'm not going to worry about my lack of grammatical knowledge or my tendency to ramble on or bounce around randomly.  That is the way I think, after all.  I'm just going to write what's on my mind and in my heart and put it out there.  My prayer is that God will take my imperfect words and use them for His glory, whether that means blessing me through the creative release of writing or blessing anyone who may choose to read my words.  I don't feel "good enough" to write publically.  There, I've said it.  But the beauty of knowing who I am in Christ is that I don't have to be good enough.  In fact, I never will be good enough and neither will anyone else.  But He is and He loves me.  And you.  And that is enough. 

I hope you have a wonderful day.  I certainly am.  My day-long headache from yesterday is gone.  It's 72 degrees and cloudy with a gentle, cool breeze floating through my open windows.  A bit about me -- I love cloudy, rainy days -- I'm strange that way (don't worry - I also love sunny days).  I'm meeting some friends for lunch at Cafe Chocolate (the name says it all).  I'll wrap things up by taking my son and his best friend swimming at a wonderful indoor pool near our home.  I'm going to enjoy every moment of this day and tomorrow I'll go for my biopsy and await the results.  Hopefully by the end of the week I'll know what the coming months hold but for now I'll rest safely in His arms.